Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Thanksgiving: The Non-Heartwarming Edition

Around Thanksgiving time, lots of folks get gushy and sentimental on their blogs. They write beautiful, heart-rending pieces that make readers weep and leave professions of undying love in the comments.

This year I'm going to skip the sentiment. Here are some fun Thanskgiving facts that probably won't make you cry, but might make you smile.

* Turkeys have heart attacks. When the Air Force was conducting test runs and breaking the sound barrier, fields of turkeys would drop dead.

* Benjamin Franklin called the turkey 'a true original native of America'. He wanted the turkey to be the official bird of the United States, but eventually lost out to the bald eagle.

* 445 million turkeys are consumed each Thanksgiving.

* Turkeys can drown if they look up while it's raining.

* Thomas Jefferson thought the concept of Thanksgiving was "the most ridiculous idea I’ve ever heard."

And a few fun Thanksgiving quotes:

"What we're really talking about is a wonderful day set aside on the fourth Thursday of November when no one diets. I mean, why else would they call it Thanksgiving?" --Erma Bombeck

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land." --Jon Stewart

"Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often." --Johnny Carson

Thanks to everyone who reads this!


Joylene Nowell Butler said...

I'd pick funny antidotes for Thanksgiving over sappy blogs any day. We celebrate Thanksgiving in October up here in Canada, but it's sort of nice to get a double serving. Especially when they're so entertaining.

Happy, safe Thanksgiving, S.W.

This year our son is serving in Kandahar, Afghanistan, so I think celebrating twice is a doubly good idea.

s.w. vaughn said...

Thank you, Joylene - and best wishes for your son's safety and quick return. I know I said no sentimentality . . . but I salute him, and every soldier who won't spend this holiday at home.

Aaron Paul Lazar said...

Ditto here about your son, Joylene. Please thank him for all of us for keeping us safe and protecting liberty worldwide.

SW, you crack me up, as always. I have been trying to be "good" in my head, thinking up ways to reduce the fat and calories in our Thanksgiving dinner. My wife chastised me, along with my daughters. How could I CONSIDER not making the crunchy stuffing (that requires a pound of butter for each batch?) or not stuffing the celery with the real cream cheese and onions we make from scratch? Or not making the six pies we always serve? Or not having REAL whipped cream? As we get closer, I realize the folly of my ways and am thankful they slapped me back to reality. LOL.

s.w. vaughn said...

LOL! Aaron - your girls are right. Sorry. What good is Thanksgiving dinner if it's not awful for you? It tastes soooo good! Mmmm, real whipped cream and mashed potatoes with four pounds of butter and pies and sweet potato casserole and more pies...

I'd better stop. Drool isn't good for my keyboard. :-)

Marta Stephens said...

Okay, here's a good one that comes out every Thanksgiving in our house. Our beautiful, intelligent daughter (she really is) was talking with her younger brother several years ago (when they were both in high school) and mentioned the NBC Turkey. It seems she thought that since NBC dressed up their peacock like a turkey for Thanksgiving, she had it in her mind that it was (a turkey).

Needless to say, she's never lived that one down. LOL

And while I’m at it, anyone remember the Thanksgiving episode on WKRP in Cincinnati “Turkeys Away” when they threw the turkeys out of the helicopter? Famous line: “As God is my witness, I thought they could fly.”

Kim Smith said...

you people are what makes me get up in the morning... thanks for the laugh!