It's that time again - tomorrow I'm headed to Manhattan on an early train, for 4 days of meeting new people, saying hey to old friends, working, punishing my feet (12+ hours a day on them is a HUGE change from my usual routine of sitting my butt in front of the computer all day - it's their bi-annual penance for not doing their job), awesome food, and fun times.
Instead of telling you what I'll be doing, I'm going to explore a few things that aren't going to happen. Keep these things in mind the next time you visit New York City. They could be important.
* Do not decide that you can fly when you're visiting the top of the Empire State Building.
* Never go into a busy Starbucks and demand "a cup of coffee", then refuse to elaborate on what kind, size, flavor and/or additives you want in it. The people in line behind you will kill you. Especially if it's early o'clock in the morning and they haven't had their grande lattes yet.
* When you see a street performance, don't jump right in and show off the dance moves you learned by watching Michael Jackson videos in the 80s.
* Do not undress and wander naked around Times Square at night proclaiming yourself to be a famous figure model.
* Learn to hail cabs yourself. If someone does it for you, they will expect monetary compensation. And you'll end up paying double or triple what you would have if you'd just stood there another five minutes to get one on your own.
* Do not ask someone carrying three suitcases and staring up at the buildings as if they're going to fall on them any second for subway directions to Chinatown.
* The police are busy. They don't know what you're talking about, nor do they have time to escort you to "that little restaurant in Chelsea - or was it SoHo? - that my friend told me about, you know, the one with the great Italian, or Irish, or something." And when they handcuff you, they are not mock-playing for charity.
* If someone propositions you, they are not joking. Don't play along.
* If you buy and wear anything that says "I Love New York", people will know you are a tourist. Don't do it, no matter how much you love New York. Nobody in New York wears those things.
Thus ends my list of helpful hints for visiting the Big City. Have anything to add?